In your new book, the term “Goon Squad” refers to the passage of time. When Ringo Starr turned 70 recently, he told The Times that he still feels 24 inside. How old do you feel inside, and how do you think the passage of time affects our core identities?
My mom used to say that if someone woke her up in the middle of the night and asked how old she was, she’d answer 27. Hearing her, I’d think: That’s ridiculous; your job as my mom is to be old. Now, in my mid-40s, I find that I identify with people even younger than that — teenagers! If I had to pick one age, it would probably be 17: that period of looking like an adult but not quite being one, of pretending to be “yourself” (whoever that is) and praying that people will believe you; of having wild hopes about what kind of life you might have but also fearing you’ll never make it out of the house — all of that still feels so immediate. Sometimes I’ll watch teenagers and find myself not quite believing I’m older than they are — even wondering, delusionally, if they can see any difference between us. And yet my own kids will be teenagers soon, and when I talk to actual teens I’m vividly aware, of course, that they’re children.
I’m not sure if the passage of time affects our core identities so much as reveals them to us. Harkening back to my teenage self is like wanting to start a book over again after knowing some of what will happen, hoping the early chapters will be more fun the second time. The first time around I felt so estranged from myself, so afraid that I was peripheral and fake when everyone else was integral and real. Now I just think, Oh, right: I was me.
